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if I don't let myself be happy now then when?

by more eaze & claire rousay

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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      €8 EUR  or more

     

  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    ⤳ New, refreshed artwork, remastered for vinyl by Andrew Weathers
    ⤳ White vinyl pressing limited to 300 copies
    ⤳ Heavyweight reverse-board outer + poly-lined inner sleeves
    ⤳ Includes a (double) download code card

    Includes unlimited streaming of if I don't let myself be happy now then when? via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days
    edition of 300  30 remaining
    Purchasable with gift card

      €20 EUR or more 

     

  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Hand stamped

    Includes unlimited streaming of if I don't let myself be happy now then when? via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days
    1 remaining
    Purchasable with gift card

      €50 EUR or more 

     

  • Remastered Vinyl LP + "</3" cassette
    Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    ⤳ Special preorder package with "</3" (digital d/l originally released on mari & claire's new computer girls ltd label - newcomputergirlsltd.bandcamp.com/album/3).
    ⤳ Physical only - not for sale separately.

    Includes unlimited streaming of if I don't let myself be happy now then when? via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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  • Limited Edition Pro-dubbed Cassette
    Cassette + Digital Album

    Includes unlimited streaming of if I don't let myself be happy now then when? via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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  • Cassette (2nd edition)
    Cassette + Digital Album

    Pro-dubbed cassette with double DL code and sticker.

    Includes unlimited streaming of if I don't let myself be happy now then when? via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Sold Out

1.
Drunk 17:22
2.
Pre-op 10:04
3.
Post-op 07:21

about

more eaze is the nom de plume of Austin, TX mainstay mari maurice, a roving experimentalist who’s explored an astoundingly diverse range of sounds, from drone and computer music to avant-pop and beyond. claire rousay is a San Antonio, TX-based percussionist/composer/sound artist who uses physical objects and their potential sounds as a way to explore queerness, human physicality, and self perception. Together—through a suite of deeply personal aural collages—two of Texas’ most vital and vibrant sonic searchers beg the eternal question: If I Don't Let Myself Be Happy Now Then When?

Although only their debut album together, If I Don’t Let Myself… reveals a profound and fruitful relationship between mari and claire. But the symphonic symbiosis goes even deeper still. Outside of musical breakthroughs, the pair helped each other conquer intensely personal changes, with both mari and claire transitioning and coming out as trans.

As mari explains, “to me this record is very much about this process of becoming—trying to reach something and getting there but sometimes not being quite where you want to be but at least getting closer. It’s about feeling alternately empowered and insecure socially as you transition and trying to cope with these conflicting emotions.”

Musically, the album showcases startlingly sincere sets of serrated but sedative situational music. A-side epic “Drunk” is a sprawling but taut rove of aural duality. Passages of exquisite elegance subtly clash with shimmering shards of sound. “Pre-op” is a poised and pensive piece of solemn reflection, harrowingly honest and delivered with clarity and composure, while “Post-op” closes out the set in a wholly uplifting and optimistic flair.

If I Don't Let Myself Be Happy Now Then When? is ultimately about coping during the respective transitioning phase in both of their lives, obliquely blissful and fraught with freedom.

credits

released March 10, 2020

Composed and produced by more eaze and claire rousay
Mastered by Andrew Weathers

Artwork & layout by Paulina Ufnal & Janek Ufnal

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Mondoj Warsaw, Poland

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